Captain Cringe has another new thing to sell ya. “Hey, you ever seen a wealthy person or a wealthy family or a jet owner like me and wondered what they did to get it?” Grant asks. “Or what they’d do to get it all over again? Or could they even do it all over again, or were they just lucky the first time? For probably 40 years now I been wondering the same thing. You see some family that owns a house in the Hamptons or a high roller at a casino and you wonder those things, don’t you?”

“My name’s Grant Cardone and I’m one of those people,” he continues talking to the camera, looking surprisingly uncomfortable for a guy who literally documents his entire life and posts it online for a living. “I’m happy to say I’ve got a company that almost has $3 billion dollars worth of real estate today, and another company that does almost $200 million a year in gross sales. I’ve come up from nothing. Literally nothing. And Discovery Channel reached out to me last year and asked me something interesting.”

“They said, ‘Hey, could you, if we dropped you off in a city, you can’t use your name, you can’t use your contacts, you can’t use your money, we’re gonna take all your money away. You have no place to live, no food to eat, and you can’t reach out to your rich buddies. How long would it take you to put it all back together?’ I said, ‘Gimme 90 days and I’ll build a $1 million dollar business.’ Well in truth, I built a $5.5 million dollar business. With no money, couldn’t use my contacts, shaved my head, took on a new identity.”

“And still built a $5.5 million dollar business in 90 days, and I’m telling you, I did this to prove to people that you don’t need time, you don’t need money, and you don’t need a name. But you do need a strategy. You need to know exactly how to do this. There’s a way to do it. So what I wanna do today is I wanna give you the strategy. It’s taken me 45 years to figure this out. Nobody gave this to me. And I promised my mother when I was 16 years old, if I ever figure it out—if I ever get wealthy—I’ll share it with other people.”

The 10x Jet

Grant admits, most people seeing this ad are gonna do nothing with the info he’s about to share; others, though, could turn it into millions, even tens of millions in revenue. Who knows, maybe somebody will use it and become a billionaire one day—same as Uncle G. But you don’t need his good looks, the TRT he’s probably taking, nor his private jet, he assures you. And if you haven’t whored your entire family out to get millions of social media followers, that’s okay too. You can still succeed with this unnamed strategy.

Stop making excuses about a lack of time and money. Just plug into this system and you’ll have all the time and money you could hope for. Look, the American Dream is alive and well. It’s possible. Even if you’re outside of the U.S. “I hope you take advantage of this, okay?” Grant pitches. “And when you hit $1 million dollars in 90 days, I’mma put you on this bird [tell me you’re trying too hard without telling me you’re trying too hard, am I right?]. We gonna go for a ride on the bird. And figure out how we can do business together.”

If you attend the training, Grant will clumsily tell you how to hit up businesses and offer to do their digital marketing for a monthly retainer. I’m definitely not knocking the business model. Of course it’s legit, of course it works. But the way Grant promotes it—or does anything these days, for that matter—is just hard to watch. And yeah, maybe through the magic of TV, Grant supposedly pulled off this business miracle, but surely there are more qualified people actually in the trenches who can teach you this skillset.

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