Tommy Newberry looks like the kind of guy who has an 11 handicap and a rainbow of different shades of beige khakis in his closet. He writes books and loves Jesus and wants to help you become a seven figure family man. That’s why he created his advanced coaching and mentoring program, The 1 Percent Club. What is it, what’s it cost, and why should you join? Well secure your safety harness, amigo, you’re about to find out in the wild adventure that follows.

“Are you working longer and harder without gaining the traction you desire,” Tommy, aka America’s Success Coach, asks. “Is your calendar overloaded with too much clutter and low value activity? Are you saying yes way too often and then regretting it? Does your level of health and fitness accurately reflect your ambitions? Do you have the freedom to enjoy the success you’ve already created? I’m head coach [what is this, the NFL?] Tommy Newberry. I know what you’re going through.”

Tommy’s been there, done that, got the Classic Fit Oxford Shirt to prove it. He knows how hard it is to be a top earner while still leading your family. If you’re not careful, your life can turn into a circus with no ringmaster—entertaining to watch, but you’re not quite sure what’s going on or who’s in charge. Fear not, Tommy’s been mentoring high achievers for three decades now. During that time, he’s raised three children and celebrated him and his wife’s 27th wedding anniversary.

“All along the way,” he adds, “I’ve been challenged with the demands of growing my own business, while still keeping my faith, my family, and my health front and center. It has not been easy. But I’ve learned a lot. Not just from my own life experience, but from the lives and businesses of over 1,000 clients that I’ve personally coached. One of my greatest passions is sharing these lessons with other like-minded entrepreneurs. Maybe you fit this description.” Me? Not so much. But go on, I’m listening.

America Success Coach

Tommy’s a pro at dodging time, money, and frustration traps. He can show you the way to the promised land. If you’re a fit. See, The 1% Club isn’t for everyone. It’s engineered for individuals willing to play all out to create personal breakthroughs. Which is politically correct for: if you’ve done hard drugs in the past month, if you watch NASCAR on the weekends, if your family’s never had a country club membership, or if you’re more familiar with the lyrics to “Gin and Juice” than “Amazing Grace,” this is probably not for you.

Still here? I’m impressed. “Since 1991, I’ve developed and fine-tuned a system that helps you leverage your strengths, build your dream team, simplify your activity, and eliminate the clutter that stalls your growth,” Tommy pitches. “So if you’re coachable, and have the drive and the independence to outperform your previous best and achieve at the highest level, we have the process that will help you enjoy the most focused and the most productive three-year period of your life—at least so far.”

Three years? I can’t even keep a boyfriend that long. Anyways, as a One Percent Club member, you’ll get live quarterly workshops; individualized, private coaching; a 90-day planning system; advanced focusing tools and drills; an ambitious, high-caliber reference group; accountability in between workshops; ongoing encouragement; inspirational reminders; and optional one-on-one mentoring (for an additional fee, of course). Cost for all that? Tommy’s lips are sealed until you fill out an app and hop on a sales call.

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