Your brain is a supercomputer. UPGRD is your software update. A collection of methodologies that allows you to change how you think, how you feel, and even how you behave—effectively and efficiently. Versace shades and private jets sold separately, I’m guessing? “In everything you do in your life, it originates from within your mind,” head honcho William Lam says. “Frankly, your external world is like unto a mirror of your internal.” Ooh wee! My man’s got the congregation in the palm of his hand.

“So when we teach you and show you precisely how you can change your mind,” William continues, “what happens is your external world becomes more and more in your control. This all began as a project to eliminate that feeling inside that you’re not good enough, strong enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, or whatever that is. All lies. What we do here at UPGRD [pronounced Upgrade, if you’re a little slow on the uptake, like I was] is help you completely eliminate that feeling.”

William and his team will show you some very specific techniques and strategies that you can implement that’ll allow you to drag those feelings to the Trash, right-click, and delete ’em for good. Next, you’ll learn how to sprout new feelings that invigorate your soul. These methodologies are very precise. “Whether you’re new to mental programming or you’re wanting to take it to a whole new level as an advanced learner,” William adds, “what you’ll find is we have something for everyone.”

UPGRD is your ticket to the next level. (Better save it to your Apple Wallet in case WiFi’s spotty.) Change how you think and how you feel; regulate your emotional thermostat. Your mind is an infinitely capable machine. What you can do with it is simply marvelous. But most of us have only tapped into a teeny fraction of a percent of that potential. William and company will show you how to access the rest. And that’s when true abundance will open up for you. Hmm. Are you buying what William’s selling so far?

Salesgod Membership Program

If the stock video footage is any indication (bikini-clad models, yachts, champagne flutes, penthouses, and supercars), this pitch is about as genuine as a three-dollar-bill. “What we focus on here at UPGRD,” William soldiers on, “is to help you become totally in control and in charge of your mental and emotional state. So that you can feel good whenever you want.” Pause. I don’t mean to rain on William’s parade, but if he could really deliver on that, he’d be a superhero, not a salesman. 24/7 euphoria? Count the whole world in!

Oh, but he’s not done. “When was the last time that you felt sad, maybe hurt, or guilty? Negative? Angry about yourself? Or something similar? Any and all of those feelings, they are not good for you. In order for you to have what you want, in your external world—consistently, automatically, predictably—what you must get in charge of is your mental-emotional state. Because your mental-emotional states are the most powerful predictor of your behaviors. Your external world will respond at the same speed that you do.”

“Here at UPGRD, we’re not just here to help you feel better. We give you actionable formulas so that you can create predictable and precise results.” Now he’s done. That was trippy. At the end there, I half-expected to see Tom Cruise’s disoriented face from Vanilla Sky staring back at me, wondering where he was. UPGRD offers a seemingly endless array of courses for purchase, but be prepared to shell out at least $8,500 for the entry-level options and even more for higher levels. It’s almost like the real way to be happy is to sell happiness for about $10 Gs.

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